This is Pamplemousse.
She is ridiculous, on so many levels. She fancies herself as a comedian (which she is), thinks she is always right, has a superior attitude to everyone, never responds to treats, is fussy, rude, farts like a trooper, has no idea about personal space, chases cyclists, cats and terriers, never, ever does as she is told, embarrasses me always, hates early mornings and likes to sleep a lot.
On the plus side, Pamplemousse will often respond to polite requests, is fiercely loyal, guards the house and me (although the chimney sweep was not amused by this), loves riding in all cars, is kind to my parrots, enjoys trips to the bank and showing off. She is hysterically funny and able to make her demands easily understood by anyone. I think she is very beautiful and I am extremely proud of her.
I realise that her name is unusual, but she is an extraordinary dog. Her name is rarely shortened, always used in full but she herself will insist on being called; Mrs P Moose when she is at the vets, The Pampster when she is on guard, Moosey-Woosey when she is on the rampage around the house and garden, especially when doing a brilliant version of the wall of death, and Pomple-Le-Moose when she is feeling sophisticated. She speaks basic french (like me) and fluent italian (which I don’t) in a nod to her impeccable European heritage.
She likes to be sung to, with songs being given a unique version to include her name, for example; “My Moosey Don’t Care” to the tune of Ticket to Ride by the Beatles, “hey Moosey-Woosey, stop picking on me” to the tune of Stupid Cupid by Mandy Moore and my personal favourite “You’re lovely to me yes you are, you’ve dribbled and slobbered and ruined our car” to the tune of You’re Lovely to me by Lucky Jim.
This post was inspired by: http://myparentsarecrazierthanyours.com/2011/03/28/i-got-99-problems-but-a-dog-aint-one-41/